MST3K
MST3K

MST3K

mst3k.org
Official SquareOffs Page of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K).
Which is your favored experiment?
MST3K Asked by MST3K
10/23/2020

Which is your favored experiment?

33%
Tormented

38

67%
The Touch of Satan WINNER

92

33%
Tormented

38 Comments
Paul Smith
3
Paul Smith

Why do I like it? Jazz, baby. Hot, steamy, non-corporeal, paranormal jazz. Why would you want Beelzebub's caress when you can get cheeky with a detached woman whose name is a roman numeral. And jazz!

Reply
Chuck Campbell
2
Chuck Campbell

Because "TOM STEWART KILLED ME!"

Reply
Mike Aronow
1
Mike Aronow

This one was really tough. I love both episodes. But, Tormented never fails to crack me up. "Sessions presents!"

Reply
Todd Divel
1
Todd Divel

this is the toughest one yet.

Reply
Barbara L. LeMaster
1
Barbara L. LeMaster

It's actually a fun ghost story with some engaging characters.

Reply
Allison Auld
1
Allison Auld

Can’t beat a good yeet off a lighthouse!! “Vi ask Vi?!?” 😂

Reply
Andrew Gauer
0
Andrew Gauer

A less played option touch of Satan is pretty slow paced

Reply
Luis Reyes
0
Luis Reyes

A battle of who was more obnoxious, the pesky little girl or the ghost of Vi.

Reply
Chelsea McQuaid
0
Chelsea McQuaid

Pretty much sums up 2020

Reply
Masque of the Redrua Death
0
Masque of the Redrua Death

One of the best films every Riffed

Reply
Chris Hartman
0
Chris Hartman

Richard Carlson and Bert I. Gordon ... and Joel and the bots 'happy thoughts' song ...

Reply
Anthony Rios
0
Anthony Rios

It's the only episode that has a jazz magician.

Reply
Honest Jonn
0
Honest Jonn

Tom Stewart killed me! Tom Stewart killed me!

Reply
Naggle Toof
0
Naggle Toof

What no croutons?!?! Vi Mason:)

Reply
Dee Schendel
0
Dee Schendel

Tormented is one of my all-time favorites!

Reply
Mary Clev
0
Mary Clev

It happens at the beach, and it is a fun little ghost story.

Reply
Casey Killingsworth
0
Casey Killingsworth

I just liked "Tormented" better than "Touch Of Satan"

Reply
Eddie J Miller
0
Eddie J Miller

Because I'm a New York method actor!

Reply
Laurel Wilson
0
Laurel Wilson

Tom Stewart killed me!!

Reply
Margaret K. Jordan
0
Margaret K. Jordan

So funny... one of my all-time favorite MST3K movies!

Reply
Tony Rosales
0
Tony Rosales

That beatnik guy really grinds my gears.

Reply
Andrew Brandt
0
Andrew Brandt

The jokes are funny, but there's close to a decent movie hiding in this one.

Reply
Gretchen Crumpacker
0
Gretchen Crumpacker

Put her DOWN, Jerry Lee!

Reply
Howard Sauertieg
0
Howard Sauertieg

This is a fun episode! Touch of Satan is good too but I think it's had more exposure than Tormented.

Reply
Tamsin Parker
0
Tamsin Parker

"She's wearing today's paper."

Reply
Alexandrea Cyril Niell
0
Alexandrea Cyril Niell

This is such a great episode and it never gets enough love. <3

Reply
Marian Luther
0
Marian Luther

I'm cancelling out my daughter's vote. Love you anyway. <3

Reply
Randall Newcomb
0
Randall Newcomb

I voted for this because it is not "The Touch of Satan"

Reply
Mike Ensing
0
Mike Ensing

Slightly more coherent story

Reply
John Manning Moore
0
John Manning Moore

This is one of the most watchable movies that’s being riffed, plus the explosion during the end credits cracks me up, every time. But, it was difficult to have to pick one as both deserve to advance.

Reply
Troy Thomas
0
Troy Thomas

This was a tough one for the exact opposite reason of the first day's vote, as I'm not a tremendous fan of either episode. However, I just rewatched Tormented recently and laughed a lot, so I pick it.

Reply
Tiffany Fricke
0
Tiffany Fricke

I almost saw this with my great grandmother. Almost. As soon as the footprints appeared in the sand, I said “I hear my mom calling,” and ran away. I suspect I’ll feel safer watching it with Joel.

Reply
DataAngel Nine
0
DataAngel Nine

Tom Stewart killed me!

Reply
Phyllis Lanza
0
Phyllis Lanza

You just can't beat floating heads and walking hands and seaweed. And Sandy! Why did you have to see it, Sandy? Wonder what kind of twisted movie she grew up to write.

Reply

67%
The Touch of Satan

92 Comments
Nathan
8
Nathan

This is where my vote lives.

Reply
Mike Aronow
Mike Aronow

Phenomenal comment.

Jackson Munden
6
Jackson Munden

Steffi The Babysitter!!

Reply
Ben Murphy
Ben Murphy

Beez!!!

Joe Sanchez
5
Joe Sanchez

This is where the fish lives

Reply
Josh Ryals
4
Josh Ryals

The walnut farming vs. pecan farming bit is one of my all-time favorite Satellite Of Love moments.

Reply
Celena Hval
3
Celena Hval

Both are excellent but Touch of Satan is so delightfully weird and the riffs are stellar

Reply
Benjamin Owen
3
Benjamin Owen

I'm kinda hungry, but I can't go back to the store after that "zaa" incident...

Reply
Forrest L
3
Forrest L

“—and then he DIED! Hahahahaha!”

Reply
Shannon Tobias
2
Shannon Tobias

Because this is where the fish lives, of course!

Reply
Charlie Hinz
2
Charlie Hinz

Because it's where the fish lives

Reply
Victoria Maille
2
Victoria Maille

This is where the fish lives.

Reply
Josh Colletta
2
Josh Colletta

The Touch of Satan softens your hands while you do the dishes!

Reply
Kevin Smith
2
Kevin Smith

Because The Touch of Satan softens your skin while it cleans!

Reply
Britt Bisson
2
Britt Bisson

This sooong is in.... the public domain.... that’s whyyyy we used it twice....

Reply
Josh Colletta
Josh Colletta

You can't use "Amazing Grace" in a devil movie!

Amber Scaggs
2
Amber Scaggs

I voted for "The touch of Satan". For the "This is where the fish live." bit.

Reply
Nathan Smith
2
Nathan Smith

I just meant to ask him in for pie, I don't know what happened...

Reply
Debbie Noonan
1
Debbie Noonan

Ohhhh... Look at the blood!

Reply
Travis Huffman
1
Travis Huffman

If I don’t find out where the fish lives, no Thanksgiving for ANYONE!

Reply
Sara Lipowitz
1
Sara Lipowitz

I'm into walnut ranching, what can I say?

Reply
William Manley
1
William Manley

“Is that your car? Mind if I skip rocks across it?”

Reply
Bertram Thorpe
1
Bertram Thorpe

Ugh, it's just so .....poorly written & bizarre. "This is where the fish lives."...That's the highlight....and their weird on-screen chemistry....Jodie seems like a eunuch, and...yeah, it's terrible.

Reply
Dan Wiencek
1
Dan Wiencek

It's pretty, in a floppy, Rhoda way.

Reply
Brandon Belch
1
Brandon Belch

Love that movie. "This is where the fish lives." Hahaha

Reply
Greg Method
1
Greg Method

"Tormented" is a bit of an ordeal to get through. "Touch of Satan" is weird and pretentious in that lame early '70s art-house way. Plus, the episode has the one and only Beez as Steffi.

Reply
Lillian Lasher
1
Lillian Lasher

I like be walnut farmers. They work so danger hard.

Reply
Ashley Jo Verity
1
Ashley Jo Verity

Honestly I would watch this unriffed. Don't judge me.

Reply
Nicole Loughran
1
Nicole Loughran

This is where the fish live.

Reply
Corey Core Grundstein
0
Corey Core Grundstein

Because it softens your hands while you do the dishes.

Reply
XxkngmnrnxX
0
XxkngmnrnxX

"IT's just 'A Toich of Satan' in your heart."

Reply
Hilary Aronow
0
Hilary Aronow

I sure hope he said "Peanuts."

Reply
Joshua Keene
0
Joshua Keene

That's where the fish lives!

Reply
Ashley
0
Ashley

this is where the laughter lives.

Reply
Hawk
0
Hawk

This is where the fish lives

Reply
Raven Cain
0
Raven Cain

Because Beez rocks.

Reply
Stacy Mclinn
0
Stacy Mclinn

I spent the whole movie laughing about the dishsoap joke in the first 5 seconds

Reply
Justin Wingate
0
Justin Wingate

Love this episode, the first one I ever taped!

Reply
Harry Sherman
0
Harry Sherman

It's got a Ford Maverick in it, just like I used to drive.

Reply
🌊harasan
0
🌊harasan

No contest. This is one of the best.

Reply
Christopher Nichols
0
Christopher Nichols

I love all the awkward and unusually long pauses in the movie dialogue. It's just such a bad movie, but the episode is hilarious to watch!!

Reply
Jess Burke
0
Jess Burke

"this torment can't end forever" "you know that it can!" -- an apt description of 2020

Reply
Wade Mintz
0
Wade Mintz

Who wouldn't vote for a touch of Satan?

Reply
Kate Halleron
0
Kate Halleron

This was a tough one. I'd have liked both - they both have their charms.

Reply
Kimberly Heiser
0
Kimberly Heiser

While not my favorite, the line “Also, ‘go packers’ but mostly ‘burn the witch’.” is my default response to any and all questions about my feelings on football.

Reply
Greg Gancho
0
Greg Gancho

Tormented is so icky. What else do you do with a blackmailer or two? Whereas, the Touch of Satan is kinda wholesome. OK, there's the Devil and all that, but what else do you do with a lynch mob?

Reply
E. G. Lowe
0
E. G. Lowe

We just don't see it enough!

Reply
Bruce Turbeville
0
Bruce Turbeville

I'm looking at a fromacidal maniac!

Reply
Aaron smith
0
Aaron smith

Because that's where the fish live.

Reply
KozyTimeOnline
0
KozyTimeOnline

Walnut ranching is hard work

Reply
Robert Webster Caldwell
0
Robert Webster Caldwell

If I have to hear “Tom Stewart Killed Me!” one more time, I may jump from an abandoned lighthouse.

Reply
Jeff Oskins
0
Jeff Oskins

"Hold on. I'm getting a call from Margot Adler." I love that reference.

Reply
Steve Dillman
0
Steve Dillman

Well hello, Tractor!

Reply
Diana Psotka
0
Diana Psotka

The sweet, soulful sounds of, "Come sit with me, and satan, too. He's your friend and mine."

Reply
David Iacovino Sr.
0
David Iacovino Sr.

I sure hope he said peanuts

Reply
Linda Farmer
0
Linda Farmer

One of my all-time favorite episodes!! Literally have it memorized I watched it so often :-)

Reply
Ben Murphy
0
Ben Murphy

Because it's where the fish lives. There, in the stream by the walnut ranch. You'd have to be a chromosidal maniac not to like this movie.

Reply
Kelly Luck
0
Kelly Luck

I think Tormented is my least favorite episode.

Reply
Sierra Rein
0
Sierra Rein

I love knowing where the fish lives.

Reply
Terry Lehman
0
Terry Lehman

It was nice to see Herbert Von Karajan get some work

Reply
Rob Gullo
0
Rob Gullo

Who DOESN'T have walnuts and peanuts at Thanksgiving?...he DID say peanuts, right?

Reply
Emma Jochum
0
Emma Jochum

This one makes me laugh everytime I watch it.

Reply
Starry Monroe
0
Starry Monroe

Both movies have their own standings. But..this one has way better riffs!!!!

Reply
Rocco Stio
0
Rocco Stio

Love commissioner Gordon and his dolls!

Reply
Dan Asnis
0
Dan Asnis

Stan is in the market for robots souls.

Reply
jeff lingenfelter
0
jeff lingenfelter

One my favorites. The riffing is one of their best efforts.

Reply
Eric Tacti
0
Eric Tacti

Team Mike, Bill and Kevin! And because you can sight see on your own time, Beelzebub!

Reply
Dan O
0
Dan O

I never had the opportunity to see this episode before so it'd be nice to finally be able to catch it

Reply
ZOMBIEDAWG
0
ZOMBIEDAWG

I havent see it before or at least not on MST3K

Reply
Britt Whale
0
Britt Whale

The fish lives here...

Reply
Jared Hutton
0
Jared Hutton

Just a touch is needed in your life

Reply
Chris Tari
0
Chris Tari

One of my top favs that makes me laugh the most! "Hey! Beelzebub! Kali! And Lucifer!" XD

Reply
Tim Mayer
0
Tim Mayer

Because this is where the fish lives

Reply
j c
0
j c

How can you go wrong with a special guest appearance from the grody incestuous hillbilly from "Giant Spider Invasion?!" ZAH!

Reply
Dakotacrat
0
Dakotacrat

It's where the fish lives.

Reply
James Goodwin
0
James Goodwin

This is where the fish live.

Reply
Zoltan Wilson
0
Zoltan Wilson

This is where the fish lives

Reply
James Paparella
0
James Paparella

Today I didn't have a clear preference, so sorry Tormented fans, I went with the crowd on this one.

Reply
John Harris
0
John Harris

Both episodes are good, but Touch of Satan looks ridiculous now that the Satanic Panic is thankfully long over, while Tormented is actually kind of effective, one of Bert Gordon's better efforts.

Reply
Beardo Beatnick
0
Beardo Beatnick

Yes! Touch a touch a touch me!!!!

Reply
Stelbert Stylton
0
Stelbert Stylton

I have seen Tormented one million times.

Reply
Ken Gorski
0
Ken Gorski

Educational film that explains where the fish live.

Reply
Which invention would you rather receive as a gift?

Which invention would you rather receive as a gift?

The Big Head

11

Johnny Longtorso

11

The Big Head

11 Comments
Jim Hanson
3
Jim Hanson

I want people to see me and go "who's that guy with the biiig head?"

Reply
TéléDex-Bracewell #SiaDoesntSpeakForUs #BLM
1
TéléDex-Bracewell #SiaDoesntSpeakForUs #BLM

I think this is more of a novelty gift, that will look good on a wall, rather than my head.

Reply
Arlene Harris
1
Arlene Harris

the big head comes complete. Johnny long torso has so many add ons.

Reply
James Scoggin
1
James Scoggin

Perfect for keeping those annoying salespeople away!

Reply
Aaron Bellante
0
Aaron Bellante

It's funny. Cause its...bigger than a normal sized head.

Reply
Ben
0
Ben

I want people to see me coming before I’m there!

Reply
Troy Wood
0
Troy Wood

I don't do much algebra, but in the off chance I needed to, it'd be handy to have the big head around.

Reply
Derek Smith
0
Derek Smith

Ummm... because? Yeah, because! That's right ummm yeah... because... n stuff. I have spoken! Pretty much. Or because bigger head means I can eat bigger cheez-its?

Reply
Sitting Duck
0
Sitting Duck

Though I really want Mr. Mashed Potato Head.

Reply
Michael Kilgore
0
Michael Kilgore

If anyone ever told me in response to my grandiose plans that I've got the big head, I'd reply, "How did you know?"

Reply

Johnny Longtorso

11 Comments
Russell Boyer
1
Russell Boyer

With realistic Action Batch™!

Reply
Kirsty The Hermit
1
Kirsty The Hermit

Look at how long his torso is! It's so long! That's cool.

Reply
Leeann Key
0
Leeann Key

I have a long torso, and it would be nice to have an action figure that is like me.

Reply
wthvideoproduction
0
wthvideoproduction

I love Johnny Longtorso and I would have loved to have had it when I was a kid.

Reply
Bussho Lahn
0
Bussho Lahn

But only his realistic action batch

Reply
Claire Jumper
0
Claire Jumper

The big head is a little creepy.

Reply
Which person would you rather host for the holidays?

Which person would you rather host for the holidays?

Mitchell

10

Rowsdower

32

Mitchell

10 Comments
Denise Litostansky-Crawford
1
Denise Litostansky-Crawford

My, my, my Mitchell. He'll clean up all the leftovers.

Reply
Jeff Rohr
0
Jeff Rohr

I'm pretty sure this is Jack Black.

Reply
Matthew Finch
0
Matthew Finch

Two words: Not Canadian Just kidding. He's just so lovable...

Reply
Vega$ Chicken
0
Vega$ Chicken

From a guest standpoint he would probably be low maintenance as long as you had plenty of beer.

Reply
Doc Gregory
0
Doc Gregory

It's Joe Don Baker, need I say more. My My My My Mitchell.

Reply
Gordon Rhys
0
Gordon Rhys

He'll bring the Schlitz. Kiss of the hops, baby.

Reply
Dee Schendel
0
Dee Schendel

I think Mitchell would be a chill drunk at the holiday celebrations & mildly entertaining. Rowsdower, probably an angry drunk, unpredictable with his PTSD because of that cult thing & kind of scary. I'm all into excitement, but not at Christmas.

Reply
Wes Pledger
0
Wes Pledger

Mitchell! One of the first mst3k’s I ever saw!

Reply
Brian John Davidson
0
Brian John Davidson

It would be easy to toss Mitchell out in the snow once the visit palled. Which would take about five minutes. I'd give him an orange for the journey.

Reply
Alexandrea Cyril Niell
0
Alexandrea Cyril Niell

My, my, my, my house guest.

Reply

Rowsdower

32 Comments
Vern Pike
3
Vern Pike

Do you want your house to smell like Canadian Bacon mixed with failure, or baby oil mixed with failure? Easy choice. Plus, Rowsdower brings with him a sidekick and a gaggle of BDSM cultists to liven up your evening. What has Mitchell ever done like that?

Reply
Ben
2
Ben

Denim, mullet, beer and a sidekick . Yeah this guy was built to save us all and the world!

Reply
Marion Nanette Holmes
2
Marion Nanette Holmes

They are both unappealing, but I grew up in rural Maine in the woods, so I could deal with his rural Canadianness, and I would be up for map finding-behinding and a beer on the sun with Rowsdower.

Reply
Opia R. Castle
2
Opia R. Castle

Rowsdower saves us and saves all the world. Mitchell just drinks, boinks, and yells at kids.

Reply
Andrew Brandt
1
Andrew Brandt

Rowsdower may have a conflicted past, but he ends up doing the right thing. Mitchell is a scumbag. The festive beeramid we would construct brings tears to the eyes!

Reply
4 Seasons Total Landscaping's Head Arborist
1
4 Seasons Total Landscaping's Head Arborist

Does Mitchell rock a totally awesome jean jacket like Rowsder? Nay!

Reply
Justin Wingate
1
Justin Wingate

Say what you can, at least he isn't Joe Don Baker.

Reply
M Doyle
1
M Doyle

I want to find out if there’s beer on the sun. Rowsdower will get me there.

Reply
Noble Lashley
1
Noble Lashley

I honestly couldn't decide. It just came down to the fact that it's more fun to say "Rowsdower"

Reply
Mira Gutoff
0
Mira Gutoff

He'll get us that beer on the sun.

Reply
sean grady
0
sean grady

We only have to deal with Rowsdower once. I would fear dealing with Joe Don morphing from Mitchell to Final Justice in my house. The sacrifice would be too great! 😂

Reply
Josh Brown
0
Josh Brown

Zap may be an out of shape, gruff old ass, but he's not as prone to violence without provocation as Mitchell. I feel like we could all just sit around drinking Crown Royal and have a good time. Mitchell would start a fight.

Reply
NealyPlum Gamer
0
NealyPlum Gamer

I mean, once you hear about baby oil Mitchell... Ugh... Yeah Ros has my vote

Reply
Graham Connor
0
Graham Connor

Excuse me...I’m Canadian!

Reply
Brock Barber
0
Brock Barber

Kick back a few brews, beat up some evil cultists, talk about our boy Csonka, who could ask for more?

Reply
Aaron Noble
0
Aaron Noble

Maaan, I basically AM Rowsdower.

Reply
Rick Halm
0
Rick Halm

Rowsdower will only drink my beer and pass out. Mitchell will shoot me.

Reply
David Schmidt
0
David Schmidt

Rowsdower may not be cultured, but he's quiet and seems like he might bathe. You can practically smell Mitchell through the screen...

Reply
Newt Calkins
0
Newt Calkins

Rowsdower brings his own beer. And being Canadian, he's naturally more fun in the snow.

Reply
M'Hael Adam McMorgann
0
M'Hael Adam McMorgann

Rowsdower's rough around the edges, but at least he'd try to do right by the kids. Mitchell would show up with a cheap hooker and scream obscenities at the kids in the room

Reply
Troy Wood
0
Troy Wood

Mitchell would eat all your food, do unspeakable things to your toilet, and then haul the entire family down to the station on Christmas morning for some minor infraction he noticed while snooping around the house for more gravy. All except for grandma... grandma has to walk. Bite me, Mitchell.

Reply
Kerrin Dworkowski
0
Kerrin Dworkowski

We could talk about beer on the sun!

Reply
John Arminio
0
John Arminio

I can barely say the name "Rowsdower" without giggling. He brings mirth like Santa Claus, even if he smells like stale cigarettes and flat beer rather than sugarplums and roasted chestnuts.

Reply
Zachariah Mason
0
Zachariah Mason

Because i want him to drink something other than beer!!!

Reply
CaptEoNinja83
0
CaptEoNinja83

My family and I LOVE this man!

Reply
Andrew Thomas
0
Andrew Thomas

He’s lumpy, but he’s a nice guy. Mitchell’s too sleazy for me.

Reply
MST3K
0
MST3K

Cult stories > cop stories

Reply
Jeff Rohr
Jeff Rohr @jeff
Chief Square Officer @SquareOffs. Welcome to The Opinion Network.
Kia Ora
Ben
Mark Werner
Mark Werner @mark
If you're on your bike at night, please wear white
Paul Smith
Paul Smith @pncsmith
Husband|Father|#LDS |Native Houstonian|Deepwater/Deer Park Grad|U...
Rachel Clara Smith
Rachel Clara Smith @rikku
If you go straight long enough you'll end up where you were.
Waira
Waira @ItsWaira
I love music, sports, and everything nerdy
MST3K
MST3K
MST3K
MST3K
MST3K
MST3K
MST3K
MST3K

We use cookies to ensure you get the best possible experience on our website. Learn more OK, GOT IT