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Official SquareOffs Page of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K).
Which is your favored experiment?
MST3K Asked by MST3K
10/24/2020

Which is your favored experiment?

32%
The Painted Hills

20

68%
Horrors of Spider Island WINNER

36

32%
The Painted Hills

20 Comments
Mike Aronow
3
Mike Aronow

"Oh Lassie, come out and PLAY-AY!!!"

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 11:44:21 -0500

Reply
Alexandrea Cyril Niell
3
Alexandrea Cyril Niell

This one doesn't get enough love.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 11:35:36 -0500

Reply
Jackson Munden
2
Jackson Munden

DOGPILE!!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 11:38:01 -0500

Reply
E. G. Lowe
2
E. G. Lowe

I've seen Spider Island enough. We need more episodes that get less play.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 11:05:27 -0500

Reply
Brian O'Connell
2
Brian O'Connell

This dog is going to have abs of steel!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:57:54 -0500

Reply
Ann Murray
2
Ann Murray

Actually have never seen this one before (a rarity) and would love to see it now. Love me some MST3K!!!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:55:10 -0500

Reply
MST3K
2
MST3K

Are you going to vote AGAINST LASSIE? Pssshhhht

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:41:55 -0500

Reply
Amber Scaggs
1
Amber Scaggs

Because of Lassie.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 14:17:59 -0500

Reply
Chris Wilson
1
Chris Wilson

Snausages!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 14:12:43 -0500

Reply
Michael Kilgore
1
Michael Kilgore

Pile-On Pete is my spirit guide

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:41:24 -0500

Reply
Justin Wingate
0
Justin Wingate

Because why not?

Sat, 24 Oct 2020 06:12:41 -0500

Reply
David Iacovino Sr.
0
David Iacovino Sr.

Underrated episode

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 11:23:17 -0500

Reply
ThePeronah
0
ThePeronah

Can't stand Horrors of Spider Island.

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 11:11:39 -0500

Reply
Masque of the Redrua Death
0
Masque of the Redrua Death

Lassie.

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 10:46:36 -0500

Reply
Charlie Hinz
0
Charlie Hinz

Pile-On Pete told me to

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 04:26:06 -0500

Reply
Anthony Rios
0
Anthony Rios

One of my all time favorite riffs... "Are you a regular person, Mr. Pete?" "...I reckon I'm as irregular as they come!" EEEEEEEEEWWW!

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 01:55:07 -0500

Reply
Jeff Oskins
0
Jeff Oskins

This was one of Joel's favorite episodes.

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 01:51:01 -0500

Reply
Honest Jonn
0
Honest Jonn

For Pile on Pete!

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 00:14:43 -0500

Reply
jeff lingenfelter
0
jeff lingenfelter

Who knows what lies in the heart of dogs? "Heartworms".

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 13:09:11 -0500

Reply
KozyTimeOnline
0
KozyTimeOnline

Yo uhave to have a tleast one bad western for turkey day

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:32:45 -0500

Reply

68%
Horrors of Spider Island

36 Comments
John Matthew Mattie
1
John Matthew Mattie

It’s not “The Painted Hills”.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:06:17 -0500

Reply
Phyllis Lanza
1
Phyllis Lanza

No-brainer here. Just like the leading ladies. They make me so proud. We are women, hear us ... scream and whine and murmur. Now I know what to do if my plane ever crashes ♥️

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 11:54:22 -0500

Reply
Catherine Arthur
1
Catherine Arthur

I find dog movies depressing or sad, so in the spirit of 2020, I vote for bizarre!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:57:42 -0500

Reply
Merri Hall Cross
1
Merri Hall Cross

Girls weren’t none too bright, neither was the hapless male, so made for lots of laughs 😂 oh the horror Oh, and keep your legs crossed 🤣

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:50:15 -0500

Reply
Kimberly Heiser
1
Kimberly Heiser

What better way to celebrate thanksgiving than by watching a bunch of super models dance on an irradiated island with spiders?

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:50:07 -0500

Reply
Michael Schiavo
1
Michael Schiavo

Gary! Gary? Gary! Gary! Gary? Gary!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:49:15 -0500

Reply
Michael Pullmann
1
Michael Pullmann

*crosses legs smarmily*

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:49:10 -0500

Reply
BJ Nunamaker
0
BJ Nunamaker

Murmmer murmmer

Sat, 24 Oct 2020 22:59:45 -0500

Reply
Eviliz
0
Eviliz

I love a good languid murmur.

Sat, 24 Oct 2020 13:22:35 -0500

Reply
Andrew Hill
0
Andrew Hill

It is the lord your God, put a shirt on and tug your pants down a titch!

Sat, 24 Oct 2020 10:02:47 -0500

Reply
Sean Garner
0
Sean Garner

Give black and white movies a chance.

Sat, 24 Oct 2020 09:59:01 -0500

Reply
Ashley Jo Verity
0
Ashley Jo Verity

Reasons

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 17:39:00 -0500

Reply
Rita Lyons
0
Rita Lyons

This one is such a silly (in a good way) movie, and top notch riffs. Plus, The Painted Hills wasn't "bad" enough and I find it kind of depressing with Lassie's owner dying like that.

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 16:14:42 -0500

Reply
Corey Core Grundstein
0
Corey Core Grundstein

Great episode! It's got it all, guys turning into spiders, scantily clothed women, terrible dancing, crossing legs, everything!

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 11:19:43 -0500

Reply
Jasmyn Nichelle Britton
0
Jasmyn Nichelle Britton

Because of giant spiders!!!

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 11:07:37 -0500

Reply
Bruce Turbeville
0
Bruce Turbeville

Gary approves!

Fri, 23 Oct 2020 00:34:38 -0500

Reply
Kim VanHooser
0
Kim VanHooser

Spiders Rule!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 23:24:32 -0500

Reply
Troy Thomas
0
Troy Thomas

Come on, I'll pick "strippers cavorting on a monster-infested island" over "Lassie dicks around with some prospectors" any day of the week.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 22:28:52 -0500

Reply
Terry Lehman
0
Terry Lehman

THE HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND!!!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 20:59:07 -0500

Reply
Tiffany Fricke
0
Tiffany Fricke

Just a streak of cruelty. My husband is extremely arachnophobic.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 18:43:50 -0500

Reply
Marc Hiland
0
Marc Hiland

Well, I'm going to have my body re-blocked tomorrow...

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 18:33:35 -0500

Reply
Michael Lang
0
Michael Lang

There are more semi-naked ladies in this film than in The Painted Hills.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 17:36:08 -0500

Reply
Jeffrey Malone
0
Jeffrey Malone

Gary!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 15:39:33 -0500

Reply
Rebecca
0
Rebecca

I wanted to shout GARY! and writhe on my porch.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 15:02:47 -0500

Reply
David Rogers
0
David Rogers

::laughs creepily and crosses legs::

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 13:50:06 -0500

Reply
Newt Calkins
0
Newt Calkins

C'mon. C'mon! COME ON!!!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 13:05:29 -0500

Reply
Sally Griffin
0
Sally Griffin

All that sexy murmuring!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:59:01 -0500

Reply
Diana Psotka
0
Diana Psotka

Tough choice on this one... but spiders have legs, and this producer likes legs....

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:55:54 -0500

Reply
Brian Jay
0
Brian Jay

Mmm, check out my good stuff, Nature!

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:55:31 -0500

Reply
Dan Wiencek
0
Dan Wiencek

NudeWrestlingGiantesses.com

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:25:07 -0500

Reply
Chris CK Felix
0
Chris CK Felix

Honestly if Spider Island doesn't win, I will be deeply saddened over the course of Turkey Day

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:20:30 -0500

Reply
Britt Whale
0
Britt Whale

"I'm going to have Babs mess you up!"

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:01:38 -0500

Reply
Rick M
0
Rick M

Spiders and sexy music.

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 11:47:53 -0500

Reply
brandylong
0
brandylong

The boy child voted for this one

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 11:10:17 -0500

Reply
Max Suba
0
Max Suba

Love this movie. The riffs are great and the cast are hilarious

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:53:30 -0500

Reply
MJ Krey
0
MJ Krey

I can't remember The Painted Hills

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 10:48:11 -0500

Reply
Which invention would you rather receive as a gift?

Which invention would you rather receive as a gift?

The Big Head

10

Johnny Longtorso

11

The Big Head

10 Comments
Jim Hanson
3
Jim Hanson

I want people to see me and go "who's that guy with the biiig head?"

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:20:42 -0600

Reply
TéléDex-Bracewell #SiaDoesntSpeakForUs #BLM
1
TéléDex-Bracewell #SiaDoesntSpeakForUs #BLM

I think this is more of a novelty gift, that will look good on a wall, rather than my head.

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:37:24 -0600

Reply
Arlene Harris
1
Arlene Harris

the big head comes complete. Johnny long torso has so many add ons.

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:21:56 -0600

Reply
James Scoggin
1
James Scoggin

Perfect for keeping those annoying salespeople away!

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:14:42 -0600

Reply
black and white spies
0
black and white spies

Pixar

Mon, 15 Mar 2021 22:43:11 -0500

Reply
Ben
0
Ben

I want people to see me coming before I’m there!

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 19:16:58 -0600

Reply
Troy Wood
0
Troy Wood

I don't do much algebra, but in the off chance I needed to, it'd be handy to have the big head around.

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 15:30:35 -0600

Reply
Derek Smith
0
Derek Smith

Ummm... because? Yeah, because! That's right ummm yeah... because... n stuff. I have spoken! Pretty much. Or because bigger head means I can eat bigger cheez-its?

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 14:22:25 -0600

Reply
Sitting Duck
0
Sitting Duck

Though I really want Mr. Mashed Potato Head.

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:56:46 -0600

Reply
Michael Kilgore
0
Michael Kilgore

If anyone ever told me in response to my grandiose plans that I've got the big head, I'd reply, "How did you know?"

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:31:42 -0600

Reply

Johnny Longtorso

11 Comments
Russell Boyer
1
Russell Boyer

With realistic Action Batch™!

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 16:42:58 -0600

Reply
Kirsty The Hermit
1
Kirsty The Hermit

Look at how long his torso is! It's so long! That's cool.

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:12:45 -0600

Reply
Casey Killingsworth
1
Casey Killingsworth

more practical

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:09:35 -0600

Reply
Leeann Key
0
Leeann Key

I have a long torso, and it would be nice to have an action figure that is like me.

Thu, 14 Jan 2021 21:45:41 -0600

Reply
Jonathon Hoff
0
Jonathon Hoff

Storage issue

Sat, 02 Jan 2021 09:28:15 -0600

Reply
Jennifred Hollybright
0
Jennifred Hollybright

I collect action figures

Thu, 24 Dec 2020 08:38:31 -0600

Reply
wthvideoproduction
0
wthvideoproduction

I love Johnny Longtorso and I would have loved to have had it when I was a kid.

Thu, 24 Dec 2020 07:28:28 -0600

Reply
Bussho Lahn
0
Bussho Lahn

But only his realistic action batch

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 22:43:53 -0600

Reply
Nate Butler
0
Nate Butler

He's long!

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 20:12:13 -0600

Reply
Diana Psotka
0
Diana Psotka

ACCESSORIES!

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:25:50 -0600

Reply
Claire Jumper
0
Claire Jumper

The big head is a little creepy.

Wed, 23 Dec 2020 13:10:11 -0600

Reply
Which person would you rather host for the holidays?

Which person would you rather host for the holidays?

Mitchell

10

Rowsdower

32

Mitchell

10 Comments
Denise Litostansky-Crawford
1
Denise Litostansky-Crawford

My, my, my Mitchell. He'll clean up all the leftovers.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 14:49:03 -0600

Reply
Jeff Rohr
0
Jeff Rohr

I'm pretty sure this is Jack Black.

Wed, 02 Jun 2021 10:21:20 -0500

Reply
Matthew Finch
0
Matthew Finch

Two words: Not Canadian Just kidding. He's just so lovable...

Thu, 17 Dec 2020 20:50:25 -0600

Reply
Vega$ Chicken
0
Vega$ Chicken

From a guest standpoint he would probably be low maintenance as long as you had plenty of beer.

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 21:43:22 -0600

Reply
Doc Gregory
0
Doc Gregory

It's Joe Don Baker, need I say more. My My My My Mitchell.

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 21:10:23 -0600

Reply
Gordon Rhys
0
Gordon Rhys

He'll bring the Schlitz. Kiss of the hops, baby.

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 07:00:56 -0600

Reply
Dee Schendel
0
Dee Schendel

I think Mitchell would be a chill drunk at the holiday celebrations & mildly entertaining. Rowsdower, probably an angry drunk, unpredictable with his PTSD because of that cult thing & kind of scary. I'm all into excitement, but not at Christmas.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 18:54:52 -0600

Reply
Wes Pledger
0
Wes Pledger

Mitchell! One of the first mst3k’s I ever saw!

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:36:53 -0600

Reply
Brian John Davidson
0
Brian John Davidson

It would be easy to toss Mitchell out in the snow once the visit palled. Which would take about five minutes. I'd give him an orange for the journey.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:21:14 -0600

Reply
Alexandrea Cyril Niell
0
Alexandrea Cyril Niell

My, my, my, my house guest.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:10:56 -0600

Reply

Rowsdower

32 Comments
Vern Pike
3
Vern Pike

Do you want your house to smell like Canadian Bacon mixed with failure, or baby oil mixed with failure? Easy choice. Plus, Rowsdower brings with him a sidekick and a gaggle of BDSM cultists to liven up your evening. What has Mitchell ever done like that?

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:20:42 -0600

Reply
Ben
2
Ben

Denim, mullet, beer and a sidekick . Yeah this guy was built to save us all and the world!

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 17:50:11 -0600

Reply
Graham Connor
Graham Connor

Amen!

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 16:14:53 -0600

Marion Nanette Holmes
2
Marion Nanette Holmes

They are both unappealing, but I grew up in rural Maine in the woods, so I could deal with his rural Canadianness, and I would be up for map finding-behinding and a beer on the sun with Rowsdower.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:14:17 -0600

Reply
Opia R. Castle
2
Opia R. Castle

Rowsdower saves us and saves all the world. Mitchell just drinks, boinks, and yells at kids.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:11:23 -0600

Reply
Andrew Brandt
1
Andrew Brandt

Rowsdower may have a conflicted past, but he ends up doing the right thing. Mitchell is a scumbag. The festive beeramid we would construct brings tears to the eyes!

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:51:31 -0600

Reply
4 Seasons Total Landscaping's Head Arborist
1
4 Seasons Total Landscaping's Head Arborist

Does Mitchell rock a totally awesome jean jacket like Rowsder? Nay!

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:41:25 -0600

Reply
Justin Wingate
1
Justin Wingate

Say what you can, at least he isn't Joe Don Baker.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:21:06 -0600

Reply
M Doyle
1
M Doyle

I want to find out if there’s beer on the sun. Rowsdower will get me there.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:09:33 -0600

Reply
Noble Lashley
1
Noble Lashley

I honestly couldn't decide. It just came down to the fact that it's more fun to say "Rowsdower"

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:02:52 -0600

Reply
Mira Gutoff
0
Mira Gutoff

He'll get us that beer on the sun.

Tue, 22 Dec 2020 22:52:55 -0600

Reply
sean grady
0
sean grady

We only have to deal with Rowsdower once. I would fear dealing with Joe Don morphing from Mitchell to Final Justice in my house. The sacrifice would be too great! 😂

Thu, 17 Dec 2020 07:53:22 -0600

Reply
Kate Halleron
0
Kate Halleron

At least he TRIES.

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 17:47:52 -0600

Reply
Josh Brown
0
Josh Brown

Zap may be an out of shape, gruff old ass, but he's not as prone to violence without provocation as Mitchell. I feel like we could all just sit around drinking Crown Royal and have a good time. Mitchell would start a fight.

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 07:48:04 -0600

Reply
NealyPlum Gamer
0
NealyPlum Gamer

I mean, once you hear about baby oil Mitchell... Ugh... Yeah Ros has my vote

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 17:21:21 -0600

Reply
Graham Connor
0
Graham Connor

Excuse me...I’m Canadian!

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 16:13:05 -0600

Reply
Brock Barber
0
Brock Barber

Kick back a few brews, beat up some evil cultists, talk about our boy Csonka, who could ask for more?

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 15:18:21 -0600

Reply
Trevor Moses
0
Trevor Moses

I have enough beer.

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 14:04:44 -0600

Reply
Aaron Noble
0
Aaron Noble

Maaan, I basically AM Rowsdower.

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 10:29:43 -0600

Reply
Rick Halm
0
Rick Halm

Rowsdower will only drink my beer and pass out. Mitchell will shoot me.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 21:51:10 -0600

Reply
David Schmidt
0
David Schmidt

Rowsdower may not be cultured, but he's quiet and seems like he might bathe. You can practically smell Mitchell through the screen...

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 20:56:30 -0600

Reply
Newt Calkins
0
Newt Calkins

Rowsdower brings his own beer. And being Canadian, he's naturally more fun in the snow.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 20:30:01 -0600

Reply
Warren English
0
Warren English

The mullet.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 20:25:37 -0600

Reply
M'Hael Adam McMorgann
0
M'Hael Adam McMorgann

Rowsdower's rough around the edges, but at least he'd try to do right by the kids. Mitchell would show up with a cheap hooker and scream obscenities at the kids in the room

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 20:23:20 -0600

Reply
Troy Wood
0
Troy Wood

Mitchell would eat all your food, do unspeakable things to your toilet, and then haul the entire family down to the station on Christmas morning for some minor infraction he noticed while snooping around the house for more gravy. All except for grandma... grandma has to walk. Bite me, Mitchell.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 19:23:26 -0600

Reply
Kerrin Dworkowski
0
Kerrin Dworkowski

We could talk about beer on the sun!

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 19:12:22 -0600

Reply
John Arminio
0
John Arminio

I can barely say the name "Rowsdower" without giggling. He brings mirth like Santa Claus, even if he smells like stale cigarettes and flat beer rather than sugarplums and roasted chestnuts.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 18:16:47 -0600

Reply
Jeremy Nilson
0
Jeremy Nilson

Food!

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 16:17:26 -0600

Reply
Zachariah Mason
0
Zachariah Mason

Because i want him to drink something other than beer!!!

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 16:13:26 -0600

Reply
CaptEoNinja83
0
CaptEoNinja83

My family and I LOVE this man!

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:38:15 -0600

Reply
Andrew Thomas
0
Andrew Thomas

He’s lumpy, but he’s a nice guy. Mitchell’s too sleazy for me.

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 15:19:51 -0600

Reply
MST3K
0
MST3K

Cult stories > cop stories

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 14:46:08 -0600

Reply
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